Bones

What Kijubi Doin’?

Introducing Kijubi.com, they connect all kinds of characters to adventure travel & day tripping fun.

XK9 created this spot from a concept by Kijubi founders Billy Fried and Kilay Reinfeld. Their idea was to show a character transformed into the many activities they could find through Kijubi. Billy, an advertising creative director, made the brilliantly offbeat decision to pursue a jingle for Kijubi.

…continued

08 Sep 2010
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If Grocery Stores Did Business Like Mobile Phone Service Providers…

My struggle with AT&T over the lack of mobile phone service at my home (aka “The Dead Zone”) resulted in 2 things: 1. I bought an AT&T branded Cisco-made 3G MicroCell transmitter (that they refused to give me); and 2. I wrote this essay.

If Grocery Stores did Business like Mobile Service Providers…

You would need to sign a two year binding contract with a “Grocery Provider” eliminating you from considering another provider, no matter how enticing their food might be. Grocery stores would be renamed “Grocery Provider Outlets.”

The Grocery Provider would charge you an indefensibly high fee that would allot you a certain number of calories per month based on the amount you anticipate eating. Snacking would be a separate charge.

The Grocery Provider would explicitly NOT guarantee that there would be food at your local Grocery Provider Outlet. They would claim the lack of groceries was not their responsibility.

Apple would introduce iFood; a revolutionary grocery management software it got from a startup it acquired.

You would be required to buy your refrigerator from the Grocery Provider you selected. Each provider would have exclusive deals with refrigerator manufacturers; and they likely would not have the refrigerator you want. Apple would create the iRefrigerator that tells you what to eat and when. It would look really, really cool. You would really, really want it; but it would be available only at a Grocery Provider that had intermittent groceries. Other refrigerator manufactures would introduce their version of the iRefrigerator and call the category “SmartBoxes.” They would be over-designed and over-complicated; they would not be as cool.

Each Grocery Provider Outlet would have video games, entertainment rooms and “productivity tools” you could access for a nominal, one-time fee. These would be named “Gro-Tools.” Their Gro-Tools would only be available to you ONLY through their Outlets. If you ever changed Grocery Provider, you would need to pay again to use these same “Gro-Tools” created to play only in the other Grocery Providers’ outlets. You would also need to discard your two year old, fully functional, incompatible refrigerator. You will happily upgrade your refrigerator because it is now considered obsolete by the Grocery Establishment and Grocery Technocrats.

You would be required to select a grocery cart and grocery clerk. Carts with faulty wheels, grocery clerks with minimal aptitude, and the “CHECK YOU OUT!” system would be free to access. “Premium Carts” would have wheels that work; “Premium Clerks” would not ask you to donate $1 to the cause of the month.

Grocery Providers would cease bagging groceries or providing bags. A whole new business would emerge of advanced, multi-purpose, grocery transport containers.

Another cellphone carrier would offer Google’s RoboCart. RoboCart would allow you to download your grocery list, calculate the cost of items selected, and suggest sale items as replacements for items on your list. It would only be compatible with the pcICEBOXz; which could access iFood, but with frequent crashes and system failures that require you to reload you iFood and restock your iRefrigerator.

Asking clerks for assistance would incur an additional fee. They would then redirect you to Customer Service.

Customer Service would available exclusively in kiosks at the Grocery Provider Outlet. In the video-chat kiosk, you would be connected with a representative in Mumbai. The well-meaning, but difficult to understand agent in Mumbai would spend most of your session apologizing and repeating that they “understand.” In the end, your frustration would result in you abandoning all hope of a better system.

Essay by Bill Dawson. ©XK9 and XK9:Bones. All rights reserved.

07 Sep 2010
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